The Impact Of Our Words
The deep chill of her voice was like an arrow piercing my heart. My body contracted instinctively and I felt as if I has been hit by a lightning bolt, electrified by her words.
I found myself paralyzed in the moment by her unexpected reaction, and deeply misunderstood, yearning desperately for compassion and love that seemed so distant.
After all, she was my sister; yet, who could fathom such a response?
This morning, as I poured my thoughts onto the pages of my morning journal, a random notion emerged seemingly out of nowhere:
“The ones we love are the ones that hurt us the most.”
As I pondered this thought, I quickly remembered the incident between my sister and myself.
Oh, the intricate dance of radical honesty and vulnerability, just when I thought it was safe to ask for space, honoring my emotional state, (an act of self love) I was shut down in an instant. I felt crushed for sharing what seemed to me a simple request to take care of myself for the evening.
It’s often the ones we hold closest who possess the power to inflict the deepest wounds. It took me days to recover, and truth be told, after that incident, she didn’t utter a word to me for over a year. Repairing the damage took an extensive amount of time.
In a world where personal interactions are easily taken to heart, the notion that “the ones we love are the ones that hurt us the most” might simply boil down to the reality that when we’re feeling low or wounded by others, we’re more likely to inadvertently hurt those closest to us with our words or actions.
Strategies To Stay Centered
If life is meaningless until we bring it meaning, then this could mean that truthfully, no one can really hurt us. I understand that’s a tough concept to realize, however, I’ve appreciated the insight it has brought to me in reflection.
Sometimes, it’s not just about the words spoken to us; it’s about how we internalize them. We might grapple with feelings of guilt, anger, or sadness, experiencing a whirlwind of emotions that can leave us feeling frustrated or upset.
Think about it like this: what they said might hold little weight in reality. It could just be their way of expressing their own tangled emotions and inner turmoil.
When someone we care about lashes out in anger, it’s not necessarily because we’ve caused the most harm. It might simply be that they feel more comfortable expressing their frustration with us, trusting that our relationship will endure even amidst the turmoil.
This sense of safety might prevent them from venting to someone they don’t hold in such high regard, fearing repercussions that could jeopardize their connection.
I now choose to look at everything that’s not love as a cry for love, recognizing that this mindset of love has the power to soften even the harshest situations.
When disagreements arise, I’ve learned to handle conflict resolution in a more loving way. First off, I’ve made it a habit to not react, but think carefully before responding, aiming to offer words of empathy and understanding or no words at all.
When I feel tension in my body, I’ve found that taking a few deep breaths is key to gathering my thoughts and keeping my cool. It’s been quite the journey to respond this way, but I’ve learned to truly listen, allowing the other person to express themselves without feeling the urge to interrupt — another skill that’s taken plenty of practice, let me tell you.
I constantly remind myself that their frustration isn’t about me; it’s about whatever they’re going through. If it feels necessary, I gracefully step back, preferring to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. And when emotions settle, I suggest taking a break and revisiting the conversation later, hoping for a more constructive dialogue.
Don Miguel’s Philosophy On The Second Agreement.
The idea of “not taking things personally” was an eye opener when I first read about Ruiz’s concept. It resonated deeply with me because I often took things personally and didn’t speak up. As I read thru Ruiz’s book “The Four Agreements” I began to grasp the purpose and meaning of the importance of not internalizing emotions that aren’t mine to bear.
