Grief & Sorrow

FEBRUARY 23, 2019

“Real isn't how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

I am learning that when we allow ourselves to listen to our guidance, and feel our feelings, they become real and we can begin to heal. The deeper we love, the more we feel, and the more we allow in.

For those of you who have experienced feeling sad, lost, heavily burdened from life, from divorce, brokenness, death, or a tragedy that has gripped your soul, I am so sorry. I pray, in some way, these words will bring you healing, peace, and comfort along your journey.

I encourage you to take time for your sadness when you hear the calling to do so. We all need to set aside time to feel our feelings, to allow the grief to come in, if even for a moment.

Feeling is the beginning of healing.

Without feeling our feelings, this creates an impasse in our life, preventing us from moving forward.

We live in a world where grief lives alone. We lock it away in a closet. We eat our way thru it. But no matter what, it will eventually come to find you. So embrace it the best you can, hold it, feel it with all your senses, and experience it with all you’ve got. When grief can be processed, healing is on its way.

Know that this is a choice; to choose to feel your feelings and love yourself more.

Know that you are not on this journey alone. You are loved by many people who care. Sometimes, they just don’t know what to do, how they can help, or even if they can. Although it may feel like you are going thru this alone, believe and know that God is waiting and is there with you to carry you along your journey.

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This morning I was listening to a message from Deepak Chopra. His message moved my soul and invited me to take a different look at death. I’d like to share it with you, so here we go!

“We who know the deathless nature of the self are not afraid of death. Egotism is an idea based on a false association of the self with the physical elements in reality. This egotism doesn't exist any more than water exists in a mirage. This life of ours is as transient as autumn clouds; to watch the birth and death of beings is like looking at the movements of a dance. A lifetime is like a flash of lightning in the sky, rushing by like a torrent down the steep mountain. But now I am free. I am grounded in being. I'm grounded in the infinite consciousness and I can see lifetimes ripple by like waves in the vast ocean of consciousness. I am free. I am awake. I am liberated.”

Wow. A different perspective from the one I had been feeling. So I pulled out my journal and began writing. This is what I wrote - it’s from my heart to yours….knowing that for all of us….the sun will shine in the morning.

As I gaze into the mirror, I ask myself how much longer will my face be steeped in sorrow, in my eyes that shed tears like endless drops of rain. How much longer will my heart ache for my beloved spirits who lived in me when they were alive and well?

I cry from my soul’s longing for what was and what was to be while learning to feel and embrace my beloved’s eternal love in our infinite consciousness.

Mom and Shannon, where are you now? Resting? Restoring? Flying with Steven into the expanse of the universe? I long for you to come to get dad and me.  Life just seems to be too unbearable without all of you.

How much longer shall my spirit cry out in hopelessness and what feels like infinite sorrow? My exhausted heart is running a fast and endless race in this space called grief. Every beat of my heart is one more that I wish mom and Shannon had. 

With each new day that dawns arrives uncertainty…..never knowing when grief and mourning will meet me again. I shall love you when you come again. We are growing a very intimate relationship with each other and I want to get to know you better.

The hours these days are timeless. Silence, stillness, and heartache fill the space in these moments of grief. A prism of endless questions and uncertainty fill my head as I lie down in the richness of darkness, with an exchange of labored breathing and stillness of breath.

I know I shall get thru this….because God walks beside me, behind me, above me, and in front of me…. No, that’s not it…..He carries me️…..

Love deeply from the heart my friends!